My birthday fell on the same day of Jakarta's Governor election day. I felt somewhat... special. Plus, I was turning 20. I spent most of the day with my high school friend who was currently coming back home that day. I accompanied her to Serpong for lash extension and we each ate a plate of Pontianak mixed pork rice. There was an option to spend my special day with the most special person, my mom, but somehow I always choose to spend my time with other people but my mom whenever I have the chance. I mean, there are times when I miss her, because... well, she's a home. I think it's true what my mom said that there's something wrong with me (mentally or spiritually, definitely not physically) and I need to fix it asap through a sort of meditation camp. When I think of it, I hate her. It's also true what she said that I could not be told what to do. How I see it is that my feelings, my subconscious, contradicts with my logic and the reality. The fact is she has helped me through so much, I owe her my life, but sometimes this strange hatred toward her emerges upon the silliest reason... when she tells me to love. When she tells me about acceptance and understanding. And I hate how sensitive and self-righteous she is... oh God, she's so screwed up. I wonder how she (or both my parents as they each took the part in my 'golden age') made me think of such about her.

So it's never been a loving relationship between me and her (in my perspective), but a love-hate one.

Okay, this was supposed to be a birthday post.